Robots and Wrestlers: April 2006

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

I grew up dreaming of being a cowboy,
And loving the cowboy ways.

Pursuing the life of my high riding heroes,
I burned up my childhood days.

I learned all the rules of a modern day drifter,
Don't you hold on to nothing too long.

Just take what you need from the ladies and leave them,
With the words of a sad country song.

My heroes have always been cowboys.
And they still are it seems.

Willie Nelson

I love cowboy poetry and country & western music.

They speak to me.

You see every little boy dreams of being a cowboy when he grows up.

We have stories and games that feed our imagination of life on the frontier. Riding horses, driving cattle, cowboys and indians, and baked beans.

And some of us never grow up. That's why I want to go to cowboy school so I can learn to rustle and rope.

When I left my last job my wife encouraged me to take time off and do something really good for me. That's when I said I wanted to go to cowboy school.

But that idea got vetoed just like the robot-themed wedding.

Get along little doggies.

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Fantastic beyond description

I often wonder what would happen if you put a couple of luchadores (masked Mexican wrestlers) in the ring against life-size Rock'em Sock'em Robots.

That may always remain one of life's great mysteries, but thanks to gammaraybots I know what would happen if you combined the two to make the ultimate set of fighting machines.

Technorati Tags: Robots, Toys, Wrestlers

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This blog is written by a dead man

One time this lady was doing an intervention on me and when I told her I was not going to treatment she said "I'm talking with a dead man."

So I lit up a cigarette and told her she was smoking with a dead man.

Anyway, that was over 15 years ago and even though I am dead I still walk the earth and I have a job and a wife and some friends. And being dead and all I look pretty cool.

Then my friend Chris called me and told me there was this rumor going around Seattle that I overdosed and died. He asked me if I had any regrets now that I am dead.

I thought about it and the main thing is I want to be around to see my little army of luchadores go out and help the people rise up and fight for justice and freedom!

Maelito y Alex

Anyway, like I said, being dead hasn't stopped me from having a wonderful life. A few years ago I got married to a great gal.

Here is one of our wedding pictures. I think my wife looks quite lovely.

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It's the most wonderful time of the year!

This week we celebrate the Passover. This is my favorite Jewish holiday.

On this day we get to do one of my favorite things, which is to recount in great detail the suffering we have endured. Like all of those years we spent wandering in the desert.

Then we talk about how God smote down our enemies!

God sent ten nasty plagues out. First, the waters of the Nile turned to blood, then the frogs came,

Then everybody got head lice and he killed all the cows.

Then a little old-fashioned biblical pestilence, everybody's skin erupted in boils, a hail storm, the ever-popular plague of locusts, and then darkness fell across the land. Not fun stuff.

Oh yeah how could I forget the slaying of the first-born? That one didn't come soon enough.

What's not to love about this holiday?

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Satan

Satan is also commonly known as the Devil (Latin Diábolus, Diaboli, from Greek Διάβολος Diábolos, meaning slanderer), the "Prince of Darkness," Beelzebub (direct translation is "Lord of the Flies"), Belial, Mephistopheles, and Lucifer ("lightbringer").

In the Bible Satan is associated with temptation. Satan tempted Adam and Eve, Job, and Jesus.

Anyway, I think I understand a world that includes Satan and God. At least I understand temptation and the Seven Deadly Sins:

Pride, Envy, Anger
Sloth, Greed, Gluttony,
Lust

These guys are my friends. I live with them all of the time.

I think I started down the dark path with the first cassette I ever owned when I was a kid which was Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent. My mom's friend Gigi bought it for me when I was in kindergarten. Who gives that to a kindygardner?

Then the first CD I ever bought was Sabbath Bloody Sabbath by one of the greatest bands of all time. I used to take bong tokes and listen to it over and over.

According to the Christians, sinning can send you to Hell. I learned about this by reading Jack Chick tracts. Remember the ones which you used to find at bus stops and tucked in the booth at Denny's? Plus weird guys would pass out them out to you outside punk rock clubs in the 80s.

I learned that when you die you go to heaven and St. Peter greets you at the pearly gates.

Then they open up the Book of Life and check for your name.

If you were a sinner then God casts you down to Hell where you swim in a lake of fire for eternity.

According to Jack Chick, this is what happens to people like "Bad Bob".

The problem is Bad Bob sounds like my type of guy. So I can't say I'm really into Jack Chick's message.

Anyway my wife says it's all bs anyway. She went to 12 years of Catholic School and she never learned it.

But this is what Jack Chick has to say about her kind.

My kind he likes, though. Right on!

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Rocker stoner dudes kick ass

When I was a kid growing up I wanted to be a badass rocker dude, drive a muscle car, and party with hot chicks.

Mikejackdaniels

That is what all the cool kids in my neighborhood did.

Nobody ever messed with those guys. We didn't even look at them because we were afraid they'd kick our asses.

Well, that dream really never came true for me.

I mean I did drive a car, but it wasn't the Z-28 Camaro I always dreamed about.

1972-Chevrolet-Camaro-Z28-Red-Blower-Sy-1280X960

1972-Chevrolet-Camaro-Z28-Red-Blower-Sy-1280X960

Infact my car wasn't very sweet at all.

I did get to party, but as you can see from this picture that got out of control pretty fast.

Infact I had to invent new ways to consume more alcohol and drugs because I could never get enough.

That is what led me to invent the robotic beer bong which was the beginning of my robot obsession.

I guess along the way I became something of a dead beat and a low flyer. As you can imagine the hot chicks were not really into me.

Party on man.

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Meat, Part. 2

Dan, my cousin-in-law who is the lawyer, informed me that the server at the burger chain lied to me when they told me it was against the law in Washington State to serve me a burger cooked medium rare.

Here is his lawyerly opinion:

"there is a law that says the temperature that meat is supposed to be cooked at is 155 degrees, but that it can be changed if the place serving it uses 'an approved plan' that has a different cooking temperature with a corresponding time. So, in a nutshell, they lied to you. If they weren’t lazy and/or incompetent, they could have a plan in place that would allow for a burger cooked at medium rare. Those bastards."

I am now soliciting plaintiffs for my class action lawsuit against the freedom-haters who try to tell me how to cook my meat. I already found one guy to sign on.

I think this really gets to the heart of of our democratic system. That's why I am starting a movement to draft Mayor McCheese to be ruler of the world.

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The Constitutional Right to Eat Beef

Americans cherish their God-given right to eat lots of beef.

Last week the wife and I went to a burger joint in Vancouver, WA. They would not let me order my burger medium rare. They said it is against the law.

I have never heard anything so outrageous.

When we got back to California I celebrated by eating a cheeseburger for lunch and dinner. Medium rare mister!

I asked my cousin-in-law the lawyer to look into whether I can sue the burger chain and the State of Washington for passing that law.

I'm pretty sure the Constitution says something about my right to eat beef however I want to eat it, whenever I want to eat it, and wherever I want to eat it.

God bless America.

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Space, the Infinite Frontier

I love Will Ferrell. I can't even look at him without laughing.

In this skit he plays Chicago Cubs sportscaster Harry Caray interviewing an astrophysicist about space.